Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Ode to Milk

Even though another episode has aired, I'm still reeling from Milk's elimination on last week's episode of "Rupaul's Drag Race." On the episode, "Oh No She Betta Don't," Ru and the queens wrote and performed original raps.

For me, Milk's performance stood out as comedic genius. See the video for her original dancing and facial gestures.

In addition, she rapped:                                  I translated:

Never been the "in" girl                                    Milk had a hard time fitting in
since she came out.                                         ever since she revealed her sexual orientation.
Then shudders in her udders                            She then took control of her (bovine) wiles
were the easy way out.                                    to escape the difficulties she was facing.
If you're looking for a dude                              Therefore, if you're looking for a man
or in the preggers mood,                                  to have sex with
Milk is in the house                                          Look no further than Milk
and them other bitches rude!                            because all other girls pale in comparison.

In her mind-boggling rap, Milk depicted herself as a sexy, gender-bending cow in order to set herself apart from the other girls. Her lyrics echo the 90s rap anthem "Waterfalls" by TLC... if TLC had advised cows to continue chasing waterfalls. I think Ru and the judges agreed that she set herself apart... but in a bad way, not my giggle every time way. DANG. You'll be missed, Milk.

Sunday, March 30, 2014

I like Li Na way better than Victoria Azarenka

If Serena stays #1, I'd defs rather have Li Na as #2. Why?

1. It's fun to cheer for the olds!

Li and Williams were laughing together at the presentation ceremony, about how two elderly women could be playing so well. Li, who calls herself a "young" 32, actually sounded older than her age when she talked about Miami's Ultra music festival that began last night. The noise, from acts like Bro Safari, Umek and BlasterJaxx, she said, made it difficult to sleep in her downtown hotel.
"So many young kids with strange dress," Li said. "Always can see the young kids like going crazy like drunk, totally. I was like, 'Wow, we really are old.' Maybe this is the fashion, but we cannot take it." [ESPN]

 2. Her only regret is not partying hard enough.

"Only one mistake: I think I should go party last night," Li said with a smile. [ESPN]
 3. She's funny. None of this, "I played really well, and I'm so surprised I won," BS. See this year's winner speech at the Australian Open:

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Redemption? Jennifer Lopez, "Gigli," and "The Fosters"

Now that I've watched an entire season of ABC Family's "The Fosters" (aka "7th Heaven" for lesbians), I'm forrealz certain that JLo decided to executive produce this whole thing to make up for her horrible lesbian (??? the movie's words, not mine) storyline in "Gigli."

If you are unfamiliar with "Gigli," please familiarize yourself with the following scene. Seriously. I know four minutes is a long time to watch a bad video, but it really just gets unbelievably worse and worse. And there's *spoiler* camel toe.

As you can infer from that scene, basically anyone involved in that movie should be looking for redemption, but I guess JLo is the only one who realized that.

Meanwhile, JLo has been interviewed as saying that "The Fosters" is about "family and love," which is true. But it's also about drugs, gun violence, undocumented immigrants, ADHD, Alzheimer's, adoption, the foster system, incest, and probably any other problem you can think of that might involve a clan of five teens and two lesbimoms.

I guess I'll give JLo her redemption (although half of it was from her 2011 dance hit "On The Floor"), because the show isn't about sex (unlike "Gigli"). Instead, she shows America that a lesbian family can be as zany, as troubled, and, yes, as loving as any straight family you know. And the show is pretty damn crazy, which is always a plus.

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Disney's "Frozen" and Madonna's "Frozen" are basically the same thing. (SPOILERS, especially in the links!)

Guys, you know how way back when that crazy mormon lady said Disney's "Frozen" sucked because it was indoctrinating kids with teh gay?

I just re-watched the movie on the airplane, and I'm going to agree with her, but only because the main moral of the movie ("love will thaw a frozen heart") is basically the premise of Madonna's song "Frozen" ("you're frozen when your heart's not open").

We all know Madonna is Official SpokesSinger/indoctrinator for teh gayz (see: white pimp outfit at this year's grammys while Queen Latifah was marrying gays). In short, is Madonna pissed?

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Graduate School in a playlist

Specifically, grad school at UDub. Since I'm sharing playlists now.

In other news, Kelly Clarkson's "Walk Away" is 1000% about grad school, amirite?